HUGE NEWS

Four cheerleaders are dead, yes very sad for them but not the point. The point is why do you care more then 4 Goth kids offing themselves. Well most likely because you don’t get off to the Goth kids and the Goth kids aren’t as pretty so let’s not show a picture of them.

OK sorry for that lets go onto a more serious subject. Earlier tonight some jackass decided to drive through my family’s property for the second time. Do I know these people? No. so what to do? I decided on the simple approach grabbed some hobos off the street gave them some automatic weapons and shot the hell out of the car the bastards drove onto my property.


Now you must excuse me I have to make arrangements for my uncles funeral……………………my bad.

Well I am just dumb

Kidding I am just crazy today I had a ton of energy so I took out my bike and went for a nice ride it was only about 4 miles all together if that so it wasn’t to bad. But the hard part was the fact I was in a t-shirt and shorts and it was slightly below 40 degrees out so by the time I got to my turn around point my body was completely numb and my lungs were on fire. So Yea smart move there I know.



The voices told me to tell this upcoming story I don’t want to but not my choice. Back when I was little had to be like 10 or something I walked up to this twirly and this kid picked up a huge pile of dirt and threw it in my face. What did I do? Well I ran to my mommy, I am ashamed if I could do it over I would have walked up to that kid kicked him in the balls and when he was on the ground kick him in the face a dozen times so yeah there is one of the many things I would do over in my life.


Me and the voices have some unfinished business.

Road Rage Can be fun

How can I say such a thing? Well it’s easy you combine letters and they make words HA! Okay not really funny but who cares. Want to know how to have fun with road rage?


Well it’s never fun if you have it but it can be fun on other people.


Here’s the story I was going to my doctor and I was going the speed limit 45 right on the dot and the dude behind me was right on my ass I mean just a couple feet away and I can see him and can tell he is in a hurry because he was really jittery and bouncing up and down. Ok he was either in a hurry or really had to pee. Anyway he was pissing me off so what you do to make him really mad is when a car is coming from the opposite direction you slow done to about 10 MPH under the speed limit, just as the car passes you speed up so the guy behind you cant pass. You just keep doing that over and over again and I swear that guy went in the other lane 5 times in an attempt to pass me but I was going to fast so HA!


How to solve this riding your bumper problem well the voice and their infinite wisdom found a way. On the back of your car you tie a midget to you bumper and give him a machine gun to do with as he pleases.


May we all employ the midget people.

QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sick of motorcycles that sound like a freaking space shuttle launching. I will be sitting in my living watching TV then BAM! 15 motorcycles drive by and I miss what the hell is going on. Honestly them interrupting my shows isn’t that big of a deal because I can just pause the TV or rewind.


What really bothers me is when they go by in the early morning like 4, 5 o’clock. That’s what I want being wok up 3 hours early by freaking motorcycles. AHHHH!!!!! Every time they drive by my house I just want to grab my shotgun and blow out their engine I would love to hear them make noise after that.







But I know that would be to harsh so me and the voice came up with a great idea, every night for the past 5 weeks we have been staying up and anytime a loud ass motorcycle is coming we throw a giant stick into the middle of the road and bam instant death. Sounds harsh? I think not what’s harsh is them waking everyone up. Good news for the last week we haven’t seen any motorcycles so I think my plan is working.




We are going to get some much needed sleep.

Can i have it please?

This guy is the definition of an insane mind. Why? You might ask. Well maybe its because of the fact this dude broke his finger and instead of trying to get it repaired with surgery he just said “Chop it off im not going to stop playing” (that’s not a direct quote). Well why would I write about this hmm? Maybe it’s the fact this guy is my hero he is what I want to be someone who will just chop off a finger and keep going. I am thinking about calling the hospital where he had the surgery and asking if I can have his finger. Is that insane? I sure hope so. What am I going to do with this finger? Well let’s see I could put it on my head and say I am a unicorn. I could also Mount it and put it on my cars dashboard. But what I WILL do if I get it is every morning for breakfast I will take my cheese shredder and shred off a little bit of his finger onto my food.



Rejoice I have found an insane mind

Well that wasnt fun

Well I lost my internet and wow what a fun story that was.


It all started some weeks ago when the voices said hey look at those wires behind the computer they look yummy you should eat them. Well they did look yummy so I ate them wow bad idea I was knocked out for like 5 hours from the shock. Because I lost the internet I decided I was going to change from dial up (I know it sucks monkey balls) to road runner (yes it kicks ass) and now that I have it its great but there was a problem.


Someone forgot to tell me that answering the door with a shotgun makes the cable guy run away well that’s what happened and wow that sucked I have never been so lost without my internet it is so hard to follow my sports teams and what not but alas I have the internet and it kicks ass and I will now start reading your blogs once again.



Always listen to the voices.

A little problem

Um supposedly its not right to answer you door with a shotgun when the cable guy comes so because of that me no internet till Saturday now

HEY

Sorry that i have been gone i lost my internet but i will be back on friday saturday at the latest.

How did i lose my internet well here is some advice when the voices in your head tell you to eat the wires behind computer cause it will be fun just ignore them.

Driving age requirement

The driving age requirement should be (drum roll please)………………………..60. Yup people over 60 shouldn’t be able to drive. Why? You might ask well it’s because as people get older then get worse at driving. They drive slow they are idiots and seem like they forgot the rules of the road. So if you are 60 or older burn your license and if you know someone who is 60 or older you must take their licenses because they are a danger.



What brought this about? Well for one old people drive slow I have been over that on an earlier date. But the reason that brought this reason is the fact the other day I was driving home and this old hag was in the middle of the road steady as can be coming right toward me. I thought that she might be trying to pass the car in front of her so I prepared to stop but no she was just driving in the middle of the road and it was like she had blinders on. She was looking straight ahead no flinching and I am in my car flipping out because I am about to go in the ditch but I thought came to me why not hit her head on? Well because I don’t have money for a new car so I didn’t do that but the voices were pussies they ran away.



But the old hag just missed me and I had a reason to change my pants.

The voices (yeah they came back) and I are going to raid old peoples houses to find their licenses and maybe go through their granny panties.

OH DEER

Now I live out in the country so there are a lot of wooden areas and fields. With all the fields and what not there are a lot of deer running around and running in front of cars and so on. So how to better the lives of humans but stopping deer from destroying are cars?

Well there are a few ways that I have come up with and I think all will work well.


Idea 1. Just set the whole woods and fields on fire so the deer go someplace else. Yes farmer’s lives will be ruined but your car won’t be.



Idea 2. Everybody drives a tank. Yup if everyone drives a tank it won’t matter if a deer hits your car because you would just destroy the deer instead of the deer destroying your car. The roads will become destroyed but who cares you got a tank. (Better hope they get good gas mileage)


I had more ideas but me and the voices have to go get some gas and a match.

I CAN STILL KILL YOU

Gun control just doesn’t make that much sense to me; I mean for one it’s unconstitutional and two if people don’t have guns they will just find different ways to kill people. (Please note that I don’t not want ex criminals to have guns I am talking people who obey the law)


There are so many ways to kill people besides guns like hit and run, poison, and a knife to name a few but I will go through a list of ways to kill people that people will use when there are no more guns.


Well the first way would be to toss gas on someone run away and then throw a match at them and TA DA instant flame man and you can also roast marshmallows


Next would be the ever popular squashing. What is squashing you might ask well its simple you lead someone to a construction site and trap them in cement and then roll them over with a steamroller. And it adds that organic ingredient to your pavement.


After that one could wrap someone up in barbed wire and then roll them down a hill and then you can kill two birds with one stone, you kill the person and then you can kill a few worms too.


And last but certainly not least you bring out the chainsaw cut off the guys dick and then watch them bleed to death and with this there is also another reward you can finally give you wife that dildo she has always wanted.


If you are going to take something from this it should be the fact that no matter what people will always find ways to kill people.

NO MORE FLOODS

I don’t know why but I have had natural disasters on my mind of late and ways to stop them.

Maybe I have just felt charitable and want to make people lives easier or maybe it’s the fact that destruction calls to me oh well not important.

Anyway today’s natural disaster is floods, I know they are so freaking inconvenient and so hard to stop. But me being the kind smart ingenuous person I am have thought of ways to help against floods. (The voices didn’t help this time they are on vacation in MEXCIO)


Idea one is to put every town in a giant box when it rains so no rain can get through. I know it’s so smart, how do you stop water from flooding the roads and houses? Well you cut off the water from the roads silly. How is this possible you might ask well I am not sure but the idea is foolproof just make a giant box like structure appear out of nowhere block the rain from flooding areas and TA DA no more floods.

Idea Two Is you put a really hot like 50,000 degree light facing upward and it will just evaporate the water away it’s so simple.


And Idea Three everyone walks outside of their homes and starts drinking if you all do are part there will be no flood water left


Ok I am feeling lonely I am going to call the voices

STOP TEEN PREGNANCY

Teen pregnancy is on the rise so the voices and I wonder what the cause of it was.

I think the cause is the fact that many families are lazy and expect the schools to do all the sex education for them.

The voices being their normal weird self don’t agree with me they think the cause of so many pregnant teens is the fact that aliens abduct the girls and impregnate them with alien offspring.

Now that I think about it the voices may be right. But that’s not the point of this post; the point is how to stop this increasing trend of pregnant teens. It is so simple duct tape. You duct tape girls legs together till they are 18 or 21 depending on the state, and then problem solved no more pregnant teens.



Oh what about when they have to go to the bathroom? Well simple solution you just stick a vacuum up whatever hole you need to and suck everything out.

TA DA problem solved I swear you people need to smarten up if humans are going to advance.


Ok the voice and I are going to try out our new vacuum………………on our dog (human testing is just wrong)

Stop school violence

This has been a problem for many years and in all schools. So how does one stop the bulling and violence that goes on in schools?

Well I have an idea but the voices are being very pushy that I put their idea first and since they are giving me a migraine here it goes.


They want all students to be put in straight jackets. Yes the plan is foolproof but is it practical. I think not because how will students do their work and the bullies can still verbally attack other kids. Well the voices have an answer for each one of those questions.


How will the kids be able to write well hello that’s what a mouth is for you just stick a pen in the mouth and they are good to go.


Problem two what about verbal abuse well when classes change all the kids will be forced to be gagged.

I don’t think that would be the best learning environment so my idea is so much better and very simple.

All schools will have hall taserers which is a group of kids that roam the halls with tasers and if the see anything bad they zap the kid I know so simple.

ALL HAIL THE TASERERS

JUST BLOW THEM AWAY

With the insane amounts of hurricanes this year and I am guessing in the coming years we must come up with a way to stop them.

I have had a hard time coming up with any ideas to help this situation but the voices have had so many ideas it’s giving me a migraine (They talk loud when they get excited). Ok here are some of there ideas

Idea 1. Just nuke the hell out of the hurricane that will make them run scared right back to Africa. (In case you don’t know most hurricane storm systems start by the coast of Africa.)



Idea 2. We build a giant metal wall miles high that will just stop the hurricane right in its tracks



Idea 3. Now this one is just crazy they want to fill the hurricane with gas and they light it on fire so it’s a giant fireballish thing. I think the voices just think it would look really cool I agree.





Ok now I had come up with one idea and I think it’s the best of the rest.

My idea. A huge fan and just blow the hurricanes away its so simple right?


Well the voices and I are going shopping.

Snitch or hero?

I thought I was insane but everyone is crazy. Why you might ask because society and planted this seed in the head of most people because of mob movies. They show gangsters as good guys and witnesses as rats and a disgrace. NO the mobsters are a disgrace, any criminal is a disgrace, anyone who does something wrong is a disgrace. People who reports these criminals should be heroes, people that stand up in the face of evil should be giving the key to the city not athletes that play a game but people that stand up against what is wrong.



Me and the voices are pissed and are releasing our anger towards YOU for not being able to use your own mind


We are off to say hi to some heroes and give them a present. Anyone know where to find a couple dozen prostitutes

Drive Slower

I swear can old people drive any slower? I could walk faster then these people drive. Do they think because they can’t walk fast means they have to drive slowly?



I swear every time I see an old person in front of me I am ever so tempted just to ram the ass of their card so they can go 20 MPH instead of 5 MPH. I know I know that would never work but I know what would every old person must put a cable on the front of their car and when someone passes them they hook onto the car in front of them and problem solve.


Now the voices have another idea. Every non old person car should be equipped with a rocket launcher and if old people are driving to slow just blow them off the road WHOO that would be so cool kinda like fireworks.


Off to the military store hope the voices have a plan to get some money. Oh look a bank.

SHOULDER

I don’t think it’s a very hard concept but maybe that’s because I am of superior intelligence of all the dumbass bike riders out there.


I enjoy bike riding it’s an easy way to run (well ride) away from the multiple voices coming from my head, but is it so hard to stay on the shoulder of the road when riding your bike? Every time I pass someone that’s riding their bike and is not even close to the shoulder of the road I just want to “sneeze” so my hands jerk into the dumbasses direction and cause some brain damage because I think that would make these people smarter.


What really gets me close to running these people off the road is when they look back at you and keep going almost in the middle of the street I just want to slam the gas and run them down but that would mean another trip to the mental hospital.


One of these days I am going to listen to the voices in my head and ram these dummies of the road and just laugh my ass off they are so damn stupid.


Me and the voices are going to go for walk together with a baseball bat so I wouldn’t come near me.